Many of us read “The Velveteen Rabbit” as children. The stuffed rabbit becomes real, bit by bit, when loved by a child.
The idea that we might need to be loved by another in order to be “real” is easily absorbed.
If we internalize the belief that we need another to be whole, full, “real” we will begin a practice of seeking external acceptance and love to compensate for our own misperceived lack.
Seeing ourselves as lacking, allowing that thought to become habitual, results in an insatiable feeling. As a result we develop a need for more; food, clothes, things, love from another, and yes, drugs, alcohol, etc.
Often my work centers around reframing this belief. Reminding people of their own capacity to love. Just that word assumes an innate capability. We discuss how a loving relationship with self is the foundation upon which we build our best lives and attract to us amazing relationships with others.
This isn’t some idealized vision of life.
Believing that being 10 lbs lighter, a new partner, a raise or promotion in our careers, the birth of a child, the trip of a lifetime will “fix” us ,or our current reality (relationship, job, body), and or is the “key” to happiness creates a life where an elusive carrot draws us forward away from the present…like rabbits 😉
Learning to be present, creating a practice of being in the now, choosing to love ourselves first and foremost, with gratitude for “what is” and who we are present-ly cultivates long term, sustainable happiness.
Through this practice, we make choices that attract opportunity, experiences, and people that do in fact support us in our desire to have and accomplish the “more” but it’s from a place where we know we are already “enough”.
Love yourself => love your life!